Cleaning out the Cobwebs

My mind has been going crazy lately and I just need to get some stuff out of there. Maybe I'll have an easier time sleeping? I have no idea, but I hope so! Most will be random and light hearted but maybe something more juicy will slip in? Here goes....

Converse needs to make steel toed shoes so I can wear them to work.

I tried the new Honey BBQ Cheeto Puffs today. They were delicious! Minus the puff part.

I miss my best friend.

I am watching my life rotate, headed in the upside down direction. I can't stop it and I'm okay with that, for once. I have the stability to stay calm and take it as it comes. I can think logically about where to put things when I need to pick up the pieces and put it all back together and I have a wonderful man to stand by my side and help the whole time.

I love kids. Our boys crack me up. I am proud of myself for letting them be who they are and not trying to make them do things that way I want them done. To let them figure it out, learn. I am not perfect, but I am learning too. They are teaching me and I'm soaking up as much as I can.

It makes me smile to know that we use 100% recycled paper at work.

Possibilities are endless.

Sometimes I wish I were more girly. Other times I'm happy I feel most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.

How is this suppose to work?



Yes, random. Whats funny? I can't remember half of what I wanted to put down! Maybe there will be a second post here shortly. Now, I must sleep. Wish me luck!

Day 3

They say it takes time.

I smiled. A real smile. It felt good.
I'm making plans. We're going to get back on top and on our feet. One foot in front of the other.
I have more patience. Especially with the boys.
With some assistance, I've been sleeping. And staying asleep.
I can see trust in the future. And paranoia in the rear view mirror.

As long as it keeps going in this direction, I don't care what they say.

It takes time.

Want, Need

I'm about 99% sure what they're going to say. I don't want them to say it, but I know they will. They have to. I have all the signs. I know myself too well to try to ignore it any longer. In order for me to be myself again, they need to say it.

I wish I had to confidence to be able to walk in there with my head held high. Hopefully soon, that will change. I need the confidence. I need to believe in myself. I need to sleep. I need to be able to function. I need to trust in people. Their words, their actions. I need to be stronger for myself and for my family. I pray that this is an easy transition and that all will be well again soon. I want to get back to living. I need to.

I Made a Friend

So I'm blogging to you from the bath tub (I know, sorry. It's one of my relax places I rarely use) and all of a sudden I see this little one scamper out from behind the toilet. I think I scared him. I'm too much of an animal lover (and bath tub lover) to do anything about it so I'm currently watching him explore my bathroom. I did however let my dad know the other day we have a mouse problem and he will be hearing about this one too! I love animals, but I mostly love them outside. Where they belong.

Without it, You Are Nothing

Trust

Its a very powerful 5 letter word. It can make things happen. Make things easier. Bring people together. Or it can do the complete opposite. It provides more hurdles. Creates more work. And tears people apart. Think of every relationship you have. Best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, mom, dad, in-law, co-worker. They can all be destroyed, made harder, or create friction in even the simplest of tasks.

trust

   [truhst]  Show IPA

noun

1.

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of aperson or thing; confidence.

2.

confident expectation of something; hope.

3.

confidence in the certainty of future payment for property orgoods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

4.

a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is mytrust.

5.

the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

(Taken from Dictionary.com, of course)

Confidence. Certainty. Entrusted.

Ah yes, I can always count on you!

I'm not going to lie: It completely slipped my mind that I had a blog. These last few months have been extraordinary, painful, exciting and blessed. So much has happened that I don't know where to begin! How about a couple main events?

1) Jacob and I went on a cruise for a Family Reunion/50th Wedding Anniversary for my Grandparents. I haven't even had a chance to get pictures off my camera yet so that story will be a post all in its self.

2) My boyfriend and I have been given full custody of his son. I absolutely LOVE having Luke with us full time now but it has been tough. He was taken away from his mother for child endangerment. The adjustment for Luke has been pretty easy thus far and since its been a month and a half already, I don't foresee any major melt downs in the near future. (He was with us every weekend before this happened. I think moving into an already familiar environment helped!) The tough part is being the adult. Knowing and understanding what is happening, the reasons behind it, and the repercussions and emotional side effects that these events will cause. We are blessed that this has been fairly easy on Luke and I have faith we will be able to help him either now or in the future with whatever he may need!

So there you go. The two major events that has taken place after the last time I posted. Thanks for letting me vent! I knew I could count on you ;-)

Taking a Step Backward

Frustration has gotten the best of me. After some research and some very stressful few months (for both Jacob and I), we have decided to put Jacob back in pull-ups full time. Its kind of lengthy but here is the article (Written by Dr. Alan Greene, found on the Partenting website) I found most influential:

Question

My 4-year-old son has a history of withholding bowel movements. He's potty trained for urine just fine but refuses to poop in the potty or toilet unless under extreme duress, and after a few weeks of trying, we've given him his diapers back. He's now happy to poop every day, hence avoiding the anal fissure problem, but what keeps kids from pooping in the potty? With him being 4 and in junior kindergarten, this is a concern for us. Any ideas?

Answer

Children have a deep, urgent desire for growth and mastery. They would love to be able to poop in the toilet like their parents. This longing is profound, and will win out eventually. But in your son's situation it sounds as if he is trapped in what I call the D3 cycle: discomfort, dread, delay.

Children can enter the D3 cycle at any point. Sometimes it begins with an uncomfortable experience passing a hard stool created by a change in diet or a brief illness. Sometimes the starting point is simply the fear of sitting over the gaping hole in the potty. Sometimes children are engaged in playing and choose to ignore the urge to poop, holding the stool in to delay interrupting a fun game.

Whatever the starting point, they end up having a painful experience. When the next urge arrives, the child decides to delay pooping in order to avert what happened last time. The longer he delays, the firmer the next stool becomes. When he finally does poop, the event is even more uncomfortable -- confirming his fears. What he dreaded was true!

The D3 cycle must be broken before moving ahead with potty learning.

Sometimes going back to the "good old days" of using a diaper can break the D3 cycle. The child relaxes, the stools get soft, and the tension disappears. Sometimes modifying the diet can result in soft enough stools to break the D3 cycle. In some children the D3 cycle is so entrenched that in order to break free, they need a stool softener to take the process out of their control.

One excellent way to soften the stools is with mineral oil. Ingesting the oil makes the stools slippery enough that the child can no longer delay, and soft enough that the stools no longer hurt.

Mineral oil is available over-the-counter in the laxative section of drugstores. You might find it in several flavors or just plain. Plain mineral oil has no flavor. It's tough to swallow right off a spoon, but there are a number of excellent ways to disguise it. Many kids enjoy mineral oil blended with a beverage, on toast and jam, or in a grilled cheese sandwich.

Before embarking on a mineral oil regimen, speak with your child's pediatrician to be sure that it's appropriate for your child. I also recommend taking a multivitamin during mineral oil therapy (at some other time of day than when he ingests the oil), since the oil can interfere with vitamin absorption.

The starting dose for mineral oil is about one teaspoon for every 10 pounds of body weight. This may be given either as one serving daily, usually in the evening, or divided into a morning and an evening dose. If the child doesn't begin having soft stools daily, increase the dose by one teaspoon daily until you reach a dose that works. (Don't go above three times the starting dose without checking with a physician.)

Once you've arrived at a dose that works, keep him on this dose for about two weeks. Then gradually taper the mineral oil dose over another two weeks or so.

Once the D3 cycle has been broken, it's time to revisit the issue of pooping in the potty.

Often the quickest way to success is to make steady, small steps forward, rather than moving him straight from diapersback to the fearsome potty.

First, encourage him to do his pooping in the bathroom -- like you. He can keep his diaper on, he can be across the room from the potty, but he's in the right room. Once he has comfortably pooped in the right room for three days or more, he can take another little step when he seems ready.

Next, have him poop sitting down. He can sit on the floor, on the potty with the lid down, on the potty with the lid up, or wherever he wants in the room.

If he's been sitting on the floor, he should then move to the potty or toilet. If the lid has been down on the potty or toilet, now lift the lid. He still gets to wear the diaper.

The next step may be to simply remove the diaper and have him go in the potty. Many kids will move from the last level to this one with unexpected ease. If you gauge that this will not be the case for your son, you can instead cut a little hole in the bottom of the diaper. He can go as before, and the poop may or may not fall into the potty. As the days go by, make the hole larger and larger.

By freeing him from the chains of the D3 cycle, and by taking a huge task that had inspired dread and breaking it down into small achievable steps, you can set him free to enjoy the growth he's longing for.

The information and/or scenarios in this writing sound familiar and seems to be the best bet for our situation. I hope we can get past this and I hope Jacob will find "inner peace", in literal terms. At this point I am holding off on mineral oil since his poops are generally pretty soft. Fingers are now crossed!

My Gardening

Okay, here is my follow up on my gardening!

Before I started

Adding Dirt. Took a lot more work that I thought it would!

Plants!

 The plants along the back wall are Sunflowers.

Zucchini and Jalapeno Peppers!

The ones with little tee-pee's are tomatoes!

The little tee-pee's. I discovered that I would not have been a very good Indian....

Pumpkin plants!

Thats all I have for now. Hopefully they will actually grow and I will be able to take more pictures! I can't wait to cook with these veggies. I also hope that the organic animal repellent (safe to use with plants for human consumption) will work and all our wonderful critters won't enjoy the plants before we get to :)

Determination at Its Finest

Unfortunately todays post will be short and sweet due to the hour but there will hopefully be a follow-up soon! I woke up this morning on a roller coaster of emotions again. Waking up to the spot next to me empty is one of the hardest things I've experienced this past week. On top of that my son came in to my room with a turd in his underwear so big that it would not flush down the toilet! (I am frustrated beyond belief with this child! Article I found on the internet to be posted soon as well) Continuing on.... I don't know what got in to me but I decided at some point this morning that I needed to replant the seeds that Jacob and Luke had planted a few weeks back. This turned into quite an adventure for me and made my day full of purpose and it even threw in a sense of pride and accomplishment once I was done. Not only did I replant, but I created my gardening spot as well! The boys planted sunflowers, tomatoes and pumpkins so I replanted those in there and I also picked up zucchini and a jabanero pepper plant (shhh! that one is a surprise for Daniel). Pictures will be here soon! Please cross your fingers that these poor plants won't die in our heat or be eaten by rodents!

That is all for this evening. Til next time!

And Thats What I Think Of That!

Look! Two days in a row! I am so proud of myself! Though, I have no idea what to talk about. I could talk about work or how difficult my son is being to potty train (almost there! just has to POOP on the potty)...(ugh!) I could also talk about how Daniel being away is actually easier than expected. I am glad that he is getting some family time with his sister, and soon his brother.(I have decided that the trust in our relationship and the unconditional love he gives me is making this a ton easier, and I love him for it. I love that he doesn't get mad or shows any sign of annoyance when I chat him up or bother him because I miss him, which I love him for as well. I can't imagine my life without him <3)  I could talk about how well I slept last night, once I fell asleep or how stressed I am over money and my lack of motivation to do any house work... Instead, I think I am going to try to put everything aside and make some time to read my new book. You'll probably have to twist my arm....

Operation Sleep; Commencing Now

Well, my plan for this blog is really working! (Note the sarcasm..) Honestly, I totally forgot about it. Luckily I haven't forgotten my dreams or goals.
My most recent goal is to get my sleeping pattern back on track. I wake up exhausted, practically falling asleep during the day and then am wide awake when I crawl into bed. It is messing with my emotions and my mental stability. Probably a cause of this stupid weight gain too. I don't do well when I don't sleep and never have. My better half is in Texas for the next 5 or so days. I will be taking this time to re-train my body that bed is for sleep. Pro's to him being gone: I can focus on me. I won't be getting home late on our carpool days. Is there anything else? I can't think of anything... Cons: I really feel empty without him here. Last time he was off on a business trip I could not sleep to save my life, which is basically what I'm trying to do this week... The next few days will definitely be interesting for me.
Step One: Finish chores/ get ready for the following day before a certain time.
Step Two: Watch a show or two with my man
Step Three: Write. Type. Which ever one I feel will be best.
Step Four: Lights Out by 10-10:30pm
This is a straight rough draft that I pulled out of thin air just now. I might make modifications, especially when Daniel returns. We'll see how well this works!

Other goals/activities I need to incorporate into my life:
Some sort of exercise besides running around the warehouse at work.
Eating healthier, less eating out.
Couponing. I really like the idea of it and would like to kick it up a notch or two. Have to find the time first.


Well, I am off to start training my brain. Good Night all!